The essence of communication is never to prove a point. Although a lot is achieved through communication, its primary purpose is to positively impact those who hear us. In the Holy Bible, it is clearly spelt out that we should be gracious in our speech because the goal of every conversation is to bring out the best in others, not to put them down nor cut them out.
In relating with children and young people, parents, guardians, mentors and teachers must bear in mind this goal. Without being intentional about communicating to build, you will tear down the lives God has put under your custody to nurture. I know of a 16-years-old teenager who committed suicide as a birthday gift to her mother. One may wonder what formed that child’s orientation and brought her to such a dangerous conclusion. Her suicide note revealed the underlying factor. The mother had always blamed her for her dad leaving them. In fact, the mother described the day she was born as the day happiness left her. It is not difficult to understand how the child came to the conclusion that suicide is the only way to bring her mother relief and restore happiness.
I want to restate again very clearly that CHILDREN NATURALLY LOVE AND RESPECT THEIR PARENTS. To make them feel that they are the reason why the person they love is unhappy is heart trenching and denies them the joy of living.
The words your children hear you speak to and about them as a parent is the molding block of the foundation of their lives. You can wreck the future of your children by the amount of negative words you speak over them. Life is not always fair but you have to also remember that your children just like yourself have emotions that can be hurt, dreams that can be shattered and expectations that can be disappointed.
If you feel bad about the disappointments that you have experienced as a parents, it is unfair and definitely ungodly to recreate the same experience in the life of your child(ren).
The circumstances surrounding the birth of your child was not predetermined by the child. The decision of who will be the father of the teenage girl in our story above was not made by the child. The child has no liability whatsoever for been born. No matter how heartbroken you are over your marriage or career, never, never transfer the aggression, frustration or disappointment to your children.
In almost every case, your child is silently suffering pain just by seeing you the pain you are going through.
Even when a child is obviously misbehaving, the way you speak about the child’s behavior and the manner you effect discipline is fundamental to the success you will achieve in parenting. If you don’t learn to pay attention to the things you say to your children, you won’t know when you have overstepped your boundaries.
In Africa, some parents are in the habit of cursing their children. Statements like: it shall not be well with you; good for nothing; your children will do to you worse than you are doing to me; it is your stubbornness that will kill you’ have been used by parents in our communities without remorse. The sad news is that these words truly affect the children. Words carry power. If you are a christian parent, you should understand this better. The whole universe came into reality simply by the spoken words of God.
Not only is it important that you speak the right words to your children, it is equally important that you insist that no one else does differently. After church service one sunday morning, a child of about ten years old approached me and asked me the meaning of the word “psychopath”.
At first, I was in shock and I thought within myself: why is this child asking the meaning of psychopath on a sunday morning? Before telling him what the word means, I asked him how he heard about the word. To my surprise, he told me that his teacher used the word on them when the class turned noisy while she was teaching. I told him that he is not psychopath and that been a psychopath is not a good thing. When I told who a psychopath was, he was as shocked as I was when he asked. Teachers shouldn’t be careless with their words. No child is dull. A child is only unintelligent when he is measured not by his strength but by the strength of others. Parents must disabuse the mind of their children whenever anyone says something to them that shouldn’t be said.
Our words are building tools and should never be turned into weapons for destroying the lives or dimming the light of others.
I am Busaosowo Bisong and I write to give a voice to the concerns of young people.
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